The warmth of cold

The feel of warmth against my cold skin, The cool crisp air mixed with the first days light begins. I keep my eyes closed, to take in all these raw senses. Warmth melting into me with endless hunger. her warm subtle breath gently pressing on my face, With little hints of her fragrance enveloping me. swirling around, her hair catches the gentle breeze coming in through the slightly cracked window And dances on and around my nose peaking my interest to look at the beauty that lay before me. I lay perfectly still as to not scare it away. I can't help it, the suspense, nor can I wait any longer. I start to peak, before I can realize her warm soft lips pressing against mine, Our eyes meet and dance at the first days sunrise.

hues in the fall

I smell her fragrance,I feel the cold, I feel the touch of something to behold.My eyes are still shut, I don't want this feeling to fade, just like the morning sun, she is my beautiful day.On her bed I lay, I pray this never gets old, she doesn't quiet realize, my heart is something that she holds. I open my eyes and see a picture still in it's frame, don't let me screw this up god, I would be the one to blame.A pictures worth a thousand words or so they say, let me take a thousand and show you everything it is I want to say.In the english language there is so much I could declare, this all would be worthless for nothing would compare.She opens her eyes, her eyes are on me, her eyes are full of life with hues in the fall do I see. To her beauty as I lay to see, don't let another second go by, for this is my plea, the world would be dull, it would be plain to see, I would not be filled with life without her next to me.

What can i say

What can I say, what can I do to save me from you? You hate the world, you brought me in, to make yourself feel better once again. It didn't last as long as before, it went away even quicker , so you came back, it made me even sicker. Filed with hate, filled with disgust, I guess this is a, must, a need for you to drain, to empty the pain and pawn it on to someone else. So you pass the torch that was passed to you. you could have been strong, you could have blown it out, but instead you gave up and just passed it right back out. you passed it to me the torch that consumes me, it's deep inside. when will it end, when will it die out? I run into the dark, i can't seem to hide, the torch fills the room, you find me inside. that damn torch, i will drown it out, i will make it stop, to save the rest. at the end of my quest, when you see me there, i will be glad to say the chain ended with me! what can i do what can i say to save the next child that crosses your way?

love or life

The amount of love, The amount of life; will never amount to the love of life, or life to love an individual as one does and one achieves Is greater than any life time of pain.

bystanderd

things have been really weird the last few weeks. i have been calm or at peace so to speak. i feel the path i am taking is the right one. i haven't made the best decisions lately and have done things i wish i wouldn't have, but i am me and am far from perfect so i carry on the best i can. i feel alone, yet comforted... i am sure that makes no sense, but thats the best way i know how to describe it. i am trying to distract myself from depression and anxiety trying to take over, but i feel like i don't need to try and some how feel or know that it won't take over... almost as if it's not in control. there is so much changing. i feel all of these emotions yet feel like i am not in control, almost as if i was watching myself like a movie, or an out of body experience.. i like to people watch and think stupid little things to myself, like the things we do to feel important or special. cars, video games, weapons, martial arts, drinking, painting, movies. we do all these things and more to have an opinion to feel like we have something to say or knowledge to share or teach to feel some sort of connection with either people or this world.. i wish i could sell all my stuff pick a direction and just walk and watch people, life and watch the world pass by. whats worth your time to invest this one life in? is it one thing? or multiple things? why do so many people need to have an opinion? is it to hear there own voice or just to argue or feel smarter than the other person? why can't people just stop and listen and let the world tell them everything. one thing i am learning is that i don't want to feel special or smarter or important. i just want to be, with little conflict and much laughter and understanding. not sure if i will get there before this journey is over, but we shall see what is down this path before it ends. thank you for reading may peace and happiness be with you.

aikido

just want to throw this out there real quick. if you are looking for a martial arts to get involved in and be apart of an awesome class let me know. classes are pretty cheap and fun.

road trip!

so yesterday i went to cannon beach, another beach that for the life of me i can't remember and tillamook cheese factory. it was a lot of fun. took plenty of pictures and had a "bonding" moment with my sister and niece and nephew. if i could figure out how to post pictured on here i would show some of them.
it was good to get out have fun and laugh. it was definitely a long day. i got to reflect with beautiful scenery. i got to watch gail try to fly a kite, makaila try and do everything and jax figure out why he can't fill a hole he dug in the sand with water then watch him face plant in the water.
today i started my day with getting up at six thirty, meeting up with daene heading to multnomah falls at 7 there by seven thirty at the top by 8 hiking around up there for 40 minutes running all the way back down by 9 and home by 9:45
went to my other sisters house saw the kids had a good convo with my sister about art, history and religion. it was good. now it's time to relax before i go back to work tomorrow.

thanks for those reading.