bystanderd

things have been really weird the last few weeks. i have been calm or at peace so to speak. i feel the path i am taking is the right one. i haven't made the best decisions lately and have done things i wish i wouldn't have, but i am me and am far from perfect so i carry on the best i can. i feel alone, yet comforted... i am sure that makes no sense, but thats the best way i know how to describe it. i am trying to distract myself from depression and anxiety trying to take over, but i feel like i don't need to try and some how feel or know that it won't take over... almost as if it's not in control. there is so much changing. i feel all of these emotions yet feel like i am not in control, almost as if i was watching myself like a movie, or an out of body experience.. i like to people watch and think stupid little things to myself, like the things we do to feel important or special. cars, video games, weapons, martial arts, drinking, painting, movies. we do all these things and more to have an opinion to feel like we have something to say or knowledge to share or teach to feel some sort of connection with either people or this world.. i wish i could sell all my stuff pick a direction and just walk and watch people, life and watch the world pass by. whats worth your time to invest this one life in? is it one thing? or multiple things? why do so many people need to have an opinion? is it to hear there own voice or just to argue or feel smarter than the other person? why can't people just stop and listen and let the world tell them everything. one thing i am learning is that i don't want to feel special or smarter or important. i just want to be, with little conflict and much laughter and understanding. not sure if i will get there before this journey is over, but we shall see what is down this path before it ends. thank you for reading may peace and happiness be with you.

aikido

just want to throw this out there real quick. if you are looking for a martial arts to get involved in and be apart of an awesome class let me know. classes are pretty cheap and fun.

road trip!

so yesterday i went to cannon beach, another beach that for the life of me i can't remember and tillamook cheese factory. it was a lot of fun. took plenty of pictures and had a "bonding" moment with my sister and niece and nephew. if i could figure out how to post pictured on here i would show some of them.
it was good to get out have fun and laugh. it was definitely a long day. i got to reflect with beautiful scenery. i got to watch gail try to fly a kite, makaila try and do everything and jax figure out why he can't fill a hole he dug in the sand with water then watch him face plant in the water.
today i started my day with getting up at six thirty, meeting up with daene heading to multnomah falls at 7 there by seven thirty at the top by 8 hiking around up there for 40 minutes running all the way back down by 9 and home by 9:45
went to my other sisters house saw the kids had a good convo with my sister about art, history and religion. it was good. now it's time to relax before i go back to work tomorrow.

thanks for those reading.

the book of mitchell

so.. This is gonna be my first post in a long long time. I wish i would write more, but unfortunately i lack motivation. so this is my attempt to get back into the swing of it. being my first post in a while I had a hard time figuring out what to write about, so i will start with the name change. My site use to be called "walk of faith" and was going to be a place where i can write and it be my outlet for things from my religious life. I recently decided that i wanted it to be more of a "walk of life" then about one specific thing. i was over at my parents a little while ago and my mother had suggested "the book of Mitchell" and well i liked it and so that's what i choose.
i want to be a better person in this life. i saw a quote at a coffee shop a week ago and it said " live life so hard that death will tremble when he comes for you" i think it was by belowski i think. i want to write about my flaws, the good things about me, things i am working on, and of course the bad.
So the other day i started the process. i started answering the phone, started responding, even made a few myself and stopped being such a recluse. later today i am actually going on a trip with my sister and her two kids to the coast and making the day of it. tonight i will attempt to go to a bible study and Thursday i will be visiting my other sister. i think it should be a good if not decent start. in short this is my attempt to start living again... thanks for those reading.