bystanderd

things have been really weird the last few weeks. i have been calm or at peace so to speak. i feel the path i am taking is the right one. i haven't made the best decisions lately and have done things i wish i wouldn't have, but i am me and am far from perfect so i carry on the best i can. i feel alone, yet comforted... i am sure that makes no sense, but thats the best way i know how to describe it. i am trying to distract myself from depression and anxiety trying to take over, but i feel like i don't need to try and some how feel or know that it won't take over... almost as if it's not in control. there is so much changing. i feel all of these emotions yet feel like i am not in control, almost as if i was watching myself like a movie, or an out of body experience.. i like to people watch and think stupid little things to myself, like the things we do to feel important or special. cars, video games, weapons, martial arts, drinking, painting, movies. we do all these things and more to have an opinion to feel like we have something to say or knowledge to share or teach to feel some sort of connection with either people or this world.. i wish i could sell all my stuff pick a direction and just walk and watch people, life and watch the world pass by. whats worth your time to invest this one life in? is it one thing? or multiple things? why do so many people need to have an opinion? is it to hear there own voice or just to argue or feel smarter than the other person? why can't people just stop and listen and let the world tell them everything. one thing i am learning is that i don't want to feel special or smarter or important. i just want to be, with little conflict and much laughter and understanding. not sure if i will get there before this journey is over, but we shall see what is down this path before it ends. thank you for reading may peace and happiness be with you.